It felt like touching dark as shadows danced across the ground.
You crossed my mind right then and the world was bright.
The softness of the breeze as I looked up that day.
The leaves and how I knew that the now was just one day;
The things I had to wait to say,
And my knowing I had to.
I promised this was real.
But it was like watching glass fall;
Like you were being erased right in front of me.
You looked indifferent; affected.
Was this your new secret?
And how would I keep it when I’d been ready to tell them all,
And you still didn’t know?
No, I’d promised this was real as light flickered; danced.
The breeze, it was soft; and the words,
I had wanted to tell you –
How that page is gone.
A previous chapter.
And the now is to be filled again from white.
But there was no reason to this.
The piercing ache; the distant gaze; stolen time.
You earlier that day,
And the you I am facing now.
How about our established perceptions:
you slightly detached, slightly afflicted;
And me surrounded by roars and flashing,
asking for a story for the sound of chaos’ end?
And isn’t reason to make it better?
Yet this is only shadows;
It had felt like bright.
But now the angle is slight.
I could see it in your eyes;
The fight, the fail;
Your decision, my place.
That I could not merely be beside you;
You had to learn to fight it off.
That you had decided to start from dark,
And all by yourself.
What more could I say?
You had tried to find reason.
I have wanted to start over,
Like in many other things.
Like trying that soup again.
This time not stopping anyone else who likes it for its taste,
Or slapping the wrist that brought it.
It would be like I just knew your name,
Or this were our first day.
It would be like we both knew I were true,
And the past had been true of us some other time –
Most certainly not now.
It could be like we could share again.
We could sail from fragments and stories;
And suggestions of ideals between strangers for contrast.
It would be like broken clocks mended,
And time ticked on.
I could even say what I’d wanted to say before.
I could try.